Claus Rasmussen <mailto:clr@cc-consult.dk> wrote in dk.edb.system.unix:
[...]
> If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...
Nu vi er i gang kan jeg lige så godt fortsætte:
If Operating Systems Were Beers...
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came
in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When
you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not
on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that
"you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your
empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that
looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer.
Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in
reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if
you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for
apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too,
but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open
them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2
Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9
million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer: You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have
taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac
Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans,
but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most
people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try
Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look
at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer,
even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the
truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger
refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company
promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after
Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer,
and suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz.
to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though
they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes
the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your
own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a
complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer
for several years.
AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has
been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an
import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz.
can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally
introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed
much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim
that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top
and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure
development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of
ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown
listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once
listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can
claim to have actually seen it.
Linux Beer: 32oz served on tap only - bring your own can. Free refill.
Unless you want to get a headache, do not drink fresh Linux beer. Tastes
almost as good as Unix beer. For a first try, reuse an old DOS can. Brewed
by an excellent private Finnish brewery.
[...]
--
H e n r i k B o e g h ^
http://henrik.boegh.net/
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